I've always been careful who I let Addie go places with by herself. It's a big deal. Period. I don't apologize for it one second. But I can't be (and am not) with her 24/7 and shouldn't. I can't control her every move. I can't control the decisions she makes. But I've had to significantly cut down on where I take her by myself over the past few weeks because I literally cannot keep up with her. That's a scary feeling for a mother of any child but especially a 2 year old!
She's seriously testing boundaries, and I will be even more cautious over the next few months because of this:
My mom knows Addie very well. She's knows her limits, and she knows when she's testing them. She knows her routines and sticks to them. She knows the boundaries we set, and I am so thankful that she respects and enforces them. That's why I trust her with Addie.
She took Addie to the park last Friday. She stayed a foot behind her the entire time. She has energy that I dont have (so thankful!). Until Addie decided she wanted to go in the street and wasn't stopping. The park is on a road that's not too busy. But when a car drives down it, they fly...
She shot out into the street, only to be grabbed by my mom as soon as she could catch her.
I don't blame my mom for this. It could have just as easily been me (and right now, it would have taken me a lot longer to catch her!). I wasn't even there, but I have replayed what I think happened in my mind over and over again. And it grips me with fear that I cannot put into words.
Bottom line: I cannot (and won't and shouldn't) protect my child from every danger she will face. I am not able to. No matter the boundaries we set up. No matter the safety measures we take. No matter how cautious and careful we are. It's a cold reality that I'm sure every parent faces at some point in time. I can't protect her from everything. But I will protect her from the things I can! And I will continue to go with my intuition!
I remember when I was pregnant with Addie repeatedly committing her safety, growth, and well being to God. I mean, I sure didn't want to be responsible for figuring out which cell should grow where and keeping her untangled from her umbilical cord! Why would I not want Him to be in control of all that!
And so I've had to go back to that: daily (and sometimes more) committing her safety to Him. Praying for the decisions that she will make. Praying for the people that we trust her with. Praying that the things we have taught her will sink in. Praying for His angels to surround her. Praying for her safety!
...and I can't imagine any other Hands I'd want her in!
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
Psalm 91:11-12
i hear ya. i had a TON of anxiety over leaving thomas alone in his room to sleep in his crib when we made that transition, worried about SIDS, me not hearing something, him needing me and me not being there, etc. etc. i finally just had to let it all go, and i did it by saying the following prayer that I say every night now when I lay him down: 'Father, watch over my sweet boy, b/c while i can't be there all the time, You can."
ReplyDeleteYou wrote my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteIts amazing to me how we as parents {especially moms} want to do everything we can to 'protect' our children. I find myself thinking about my girls' future in school and how I so desperately want to shelter them from ridicule of being different and set apart from the other kids.
ReplyDeleteAs I remind myself daily, these are HIS precious children. Not mine. They are on 'loan' to me and I am so thankful He is the one protecting them, and not me. Because there is SO much greater peace in Him and not myself.
Great post! You're awesome. Couldn't love ya more if I tried :)
xoxoxo
Understand completely. You put it perfectly!
ReplyDeletePraying everyone understands this and remembers how they are about their kids when you get all the offers soon for help in that way!