Out of Control!

warning: this post is ALL over the place!

We were back at my mom's for naps for 3 days.

Why, you might ask? Because our general contractor is back.

The front door was sinking because the frame was no longer supported. Turns out it wasn't just the front door.

The rafters above the chimney were no longer connected and were supporting themselves on our ceiling. And...

The girl's sloping bathroom had gotten a little too much for me. Turns out, the bathtub is basically floating in mid air...being held up only by the pipes. It's not even sitting on the foam they place underneath them. That would explain why it's pulling away from the walls/caulk and there seems to be a tad lot more water in one end than the other. And then there are the non-existent floor joists in the bathroom and termite eaten floor joist that's supposed to be holding up a load bearing wall between our living room and dining room. And how could I forget the french door frame/jamb in our bedroom with exposed nails and rotted wood.

Really? Because I thought we were just doing some minor {visible without ripping out walls or floors} repairs.

I'll be honest with you. I don't get this. We did everything we were supposed to do. Home inspection. Structural engineer report. I am at a complete loss for words: discovering things that were completely hidden. Shoddy repairs. Major compromises in the structure of the house. More rotted and termite eaten wood than I care to even consider. And here we are...

Out of control.

On a much happier note, Addie went to VBS with her sweet friend Cady last week before we went to the mountains. Had a blast. But wore out very quickly during the day with going to bed so late.

More tantrums. More attitude. More extremes. More sassiness.

Than usual.

We took daddy a {homemade} ice cream cake to work for his birthday. So we raced home to get everyone down for naps before it was too late.

I told Addie to 1.) grab a few books and 2.) go hop in the bed and wait for me.

Now what did I tell you to do first? Get some books. And then? Get in the bed and wait.

Followed {surprisingly} directions perfectly. Got back to the bed and it all started. Whining went to whimpering, whimpering went to crying, and crying went to flat out yelling. And this is what I hear:

{paraphrased}

MOMMY come.here! YOU are NOT answering me! MOMMY! COME here right NOW! (I can't come right now. I'm feeding AK. I'll be there in a minute.) Mommy. YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!

Yes. Clearly. I AM the one that's out of control.

And yet again our {brutally} honest children remind us of the Truth. Every bit of this is completely out of my control. I cannot control what's been done in the past. I cannot control choices others have made. I cannot control what affects our house.

I can control my reactions. I can control my choices. And I can control my attitude.

I love to watch my friend Allison with her little people. Her #1 goal is to train their hearts with God's Truth. We've been working hard with Addie, using these Truths, to teach her God's commands for our lives. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, working on obeying with a happy heart. Honor your Father and your Mother, with her words and actions. We are far from understanding and taking these verses to heart, but the seeds are being planted.

After being with Addie as she watched (and attempted to avoid) 4th of July fireworks, we started learning a verse about Fear and Trust.

And this verse has played over and over in my mind regarding our house. I am so thankful for our precious 3 year old that God constantly uses to teach me His Truths! And I am so thankful we never walk this journey alone!

When I am afraid, I will trust in You. 

Psalm 56:3 

*disclaimer. no. i do not let my child talk to me like that. the words. the attitude. the tone of voice. the volume. it does not mean that she doesn't try and have to try again and deal with consequences. but it was a perfect story to make my point here!

Happy Friday!

FixIt Friday

I admit

I've done a pretty terrible job recently keeping everyone updated with our demolition renovation/repair project.

I guess I got a little overwhelmed.

Nevermind. I don't guess anything.

I know!

I was so thankful to finally have a stove/oven

kitchen cabinets (with doors and drawers)

then a kitchen sink 

a refrigerator

and counter tops

and finally a dishwasher and ice...

...that I took pictures and never bothered had the energy/time to post them.

But after frantically trying to put the house together for Addie's {now postponed} birthday party, it was in fact actually a blessing that it got postponed.

Because it meant that I had more time to organize, redo, rework, reorganize, get the 2nd refrigerator out of our dining room, dust, vacuum...everything!

...and, while at the time it was no fun, I'm so thankful for that!

So since I've accomplished everything {urgent!} on my to do list (ha...not!), I wanted to give you a quick update:

our Laundry Area (housed in our master bath and the closest to a laundry room I'll have in this house...and i LOVE it!)

the progression from a wasted, empty space to a fully functioning laundry area

As you can see, the cabinet is the newest addition (ok, and a little dry wall and a door/door frame).

This custom built cabinet (because in a 83 year old house, everything is now custom!) has four deep shelves on top and a pull out shelf in the middle.

Why on the earth would I need that?

To put my laundry basket on as I dump clothes from the dryer into it...several times a day! Much easier than one on a floor with the dryer being stacked on top of the washer.

And then there's the sorting drawer (aka: dirty clothes hamper). It's nothing if not heavy, but it is placed on two sets of pulls on either side of it, which can apparently now "hold" up to 200 lbs.

No, I hope I will never have 200 lbs of laundry (although it looks like it from this picture), but it's very useful when it's the perfect height for little ones to hang.

There's priming and painting still to do...

...but it is in fact a fully functioning laundry room area.

And even though I've seriously threatened to make everyone wear the same thing for three straight days and stop the crazy buildup of laundry so I can catch up,

I'll just keep sorting and washing and drying and hanging and folding and putting away...

...and be seriously thankful for every last bit of it!

Emotional

–adjective

1. pertaining to or involving emotion or the emotions.

2. subject to or easily affected by emotion. 

3. showing or revealing very strong emotions.

heartbreaking: I think losing Abbey was just the start of an emotional roller coaster.

Then again, maybe it was just a down hill slope on the roller coaster I was already riding.

moving (literally): In the house. Out of the house. Back in the house. Thankfully we're here for good, I hope.

sentimental: Consignment tagging. Organizing. Realizing the reason I'm selling these things is because my babies can no longer wear them. Reality check that they're growing up...again.

nostalgic: Addie's birthday party planning. Details. Checklists. Outfit making. Coming to grips with her turning 3.

denial: Babies' birthday coming up.

This is why I haven't blogged in so long.

I just couldn't. I had to set things to autopilot and just go.

Too many emotions.

We had someone in our house sick for at least 8 weeks.

Flu. Upper respiratory infections. Ear infections. Snotty noses. Fevers.

I think we went through an entire bottle of children's motrin (and I use it sparingly), 4 antibiotics, over half a bottle of children's claritin (again, used sparingly) and the same in children's benadryl (used even more sparingly).

And then there was the allergic reaction to an antibiotic.

(can you see the spots? and this was after a dose of benadryl! they covered her face, torso and had started to move to her legs/feet and hands/arms.)

Everything caught up with me when we moved back home after being out of the house for a week instead of just 3 days.

The exhaustion. The fact that Abbey was really gone. All the many, many things that still need to be done around here for our house to finally function normally (ha!) again!

So there it is.

Honesty.

I can't do it all. Can't always hold things together. Not super mom.

Not trying to be.

But I'm gradually catching up.

Going through things. Cleaning out. Cleaning up. Dusting. Vacuuming.

Er. Um. Attempting to prevent babies from eating leaves. Or crawling off. Or bumping noggins.

And at the same time, soaking it all in. Savoring the sweet (and not so sweet) moments with our girls. Watching them explore and grow right before my eyes.

Working to make sure they know how very much we love them.

And working even harder to focus on what really matters.

Not the house. Not the drama. Not tidy floors or dust free surfaces. Not laundry or dishes.

Just prayerfully growing those sweet hearts we've been entrusted with.

I wonder too...if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. To see through to God. That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. 

-Anne Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Just Keep Swimming...

...just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. 

What do we do but swim, swim, swim?

Except I think we're just treading water, attempting to keep ourselves (rather our house) from sinking.

Ok. With 5 reinforced jacks placed on steel reinforced concrete pads underneath our house, I don't think it's going to sink anytime soon.

Just us.

We temporarily moved out of our house Monday morning so the floors could be finished and the new duct work could be built and installed. We were to move back in Thursday morning so I could cook for several friends and, er, live in our house.

The final coat got put on the floor after one of their guys just scraped up pooled stain leaving some pretty obvious less stained areas. The owner of the floor company (not a worker) spent half a day at our house today fixing those (and other) spots. The result: a perfect floor. The problem: another coat has to be put on the floor. But since we don't have any heat, that has to wait.

Then they found the gas line that absolutely has to be rerouted in order for the duct work to be run under the house after we moved the return air and they relocate the unit due to reinforcing the foundation.

If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny! And I know funny! I'm a clown fish! (Marlin the clown fish)

So the plumbers come and give us a quote. Did you know plumbers are super expensive? The plumbers have to reroute the gas line. The inspectors have to come. And then the duct work can be installed!

I just picked up all of my cooking supplies, food, extra clothes, diapers and left sinks dripping because we won't have heat (and it's snowing/sleeting/winter storming/snowpocolypse) until late Friday, IF everything goes as planned.

.

But we all know how things go as planned with our house!

It's sort of like swimming through a sea of jellyfish.

I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy. Come on, squishy Come on, little squishy. Ow Bad squishy, bad squishy. (Dory)

If you don't bounce off the tops just right, they sting you. And even if you do bounce off the tops just right, another one can sting you.

Oh, I saw the whole thing, dude! First, you were like, whoa! And then we were like, WHOA! And then you were like, whoa! (Crush the Turtle) 

Whoa is right.

Abbey's not doing well. She's started whining and only wants to lay on super cold (tile/concrete) floors. She hangs her head when she walks now and gingerly lays down as soon as she can. At one point I couldn't get her to eat cheese today. This is the dog that surfs counters for edible and non-edible things to eat! The mass on her shoulder has doubled in size. I watched Audrey Kate crawl over to Abbey the other day, touch her face, play with her collar; and it makes me so sad to know the babies won't remember her.

And then there's Addie. I do believe this most recent vacation from our house has been hardest on her. How do I know, you ask? She bit (yes you read that correctly, bit) another little girl at school Tuesday. I know it happens. I know it's not a reflection on us. But after being horrified and so upset for the other little girl, I got super worried about Addie...not wanting her to gain a reputation of being mean or hurtful!

Audrey Kate is a crawling girl now. Nothing is baby-proofed with 3 year old toys all over the place. I've got my work cut out for me!

And sweet Anne Perry has an ear infection left over from the flu she had 3 weeks ago.

Sometimes I feel sorta like I'm being chased by something...

But at least we aren't facing this:

Well, in reality we aren't facing it; but at times I feel like we are!

However I am reminded daily of our blessings: our God of grace, a house to be able to fix, 3 precious girls, an amazing husband, the most awesome (extended) family anyone could hope for, our health, a great general contractor, hvac guy, plumber to work with us...and on and on and on!

But no matter how you look at it, it's been quite a wild ride...

 Don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth, if you want to live. (Nigel the Pelican)

...and it's nowhere over yet.

He look. "Es-CA-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape." (Dory)

Can we hurry up already and move on with things?

And then I'm gently reminded:

There's a reason I'm not writing the story and God is. He knows how it all works out, where it all leads and what it all means. I don't! (Anne Voskamp - One Thousand Gifts) 

(I promise to have 8 month pictures of the girls. and 9 month ones. And just pictures in general soon! Very Soon!)

pictures courtesy of Disney Pixar's Finding Nemo

Flashback Friday

November 19: the disappearance of the wall...(and cabinets)

November 29: the first hole. it grew to about 6 times this (and that is no exaggeration)

January 3: the range.

January 21: so close. oh.so.close.

Moving In

Although we are far from this project being complete...

Yesterday we got to move our fake pantry out of the girl's bathroom and into our real kitchen.

And I had a little help...

A few of us even got to eat in the kitchen...on a permanent counter top instead of a temporary piece of plywood.

And we christened

 

our new sink!

with baths for everyone!

And washed our dinner dishes in a dishwasher!

Many more pictures to come!

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

Gramma and Grandpa sent a {special} gift for each girl that's been {hiding} in our dining room since right after Thanksgiving. We pulled this one out last night and {all} three girls enjoyed and continue to enjoy playing with it! Thank you Grandpa and Gramma!

Now those are some {serious} faces!

Anne Perry

Audrey Kate

Addie's special gift from us was a doll baby. In her words: {oh, wow}.

 

This morning, Addie found a few surprises in her stocking and under the tree. Scratch that, our miniature tree happens to be sitting on our microwave which still currently resides in our living room!

But we did get to cook in our kitchen: Merry Christmas Mommy and Daddy!

(sorry...grainy cell phone picture!)

Now, back to Addie-boo! Those few surprises:...mainly necklaces, bracelets, rings, some heels that were already too small and {earrings}!

I even got lots of {smiles}, and she didn't mind showing them off!

But I think the {stickers} might have been a hit.

Merry Christmas to all!

It's Complicated

I'm not sure I realized just how long this {renovation} was going to take.

I mean. It was simple, right?

Rip out a few ceilings. Knock down a few walls. Jack up a few floor joists.

I was pretty much wrong.

One thing {leads} to another. Six weeks {leads} to eight.

Six weeks {max} would be today.

Have you seen our house recently?

That was yesterday.

{sigh}

We've finally gotten to where we are {cooking} at home again. 

{crock pot} {grill} {microwave}

I sat on a ball with a cutting board on our {covered with a blanket} toilet seat and cut up carrots and meat for pot roast.

Another night we had some of the yummiest chicken we've ever had!

All carefully concocted in our carefully sanitized second {bathroom}.

But it was so good to not only {eat} at home but {make} our own food at home!

Not to complicate things, they cut off power to our dining room, living room ceiling light, and one outlet in our living room.

The outlet where we have a our microwave plugged in.

The living room where we spend the majority of our time.

So we do what we've learned to do...

{adapt}

And then we

{re-adapt}

Right? Because that's what you're supposed to do?

But today, that's not where I am.

I'm sitting on the living room floor with two babies in two highchairs in front of me.

In the living room.

There are ritz crackers {everywhere}.

And they're begging for more.

Wouldn't you?

And I hand them another one and watch their sweet eyes light up like it's the best thing they've ever seen!

I love their {excitement} about life.

And then I hear the compressor and nail gun.

the {miter saw}.

And I'm frustrated because I'm exhausted.

I'm {tired} of trying to adapt.

And be flexible.

I'm {tired} of dishes being in my bathroom sink.

I'm {tired} of not having a door on our bathroom.

I'm {tired} of packing up each and every morning for the entire day.

I know, we could stay at my mom's.

But the {babies} refuse to sleep in a pack-n-play right now.

It takes 2 hours to get Addie to sleep there.

So in an effort to be {honest}

while at the same time do all things without grumbling (phil 2:14)

I'll stop there.

And just say, {this is tough}.

It's tougher than I thought it would be. 

But...

I know ALL things work together for good. (romans 8:28) 

Not just some things.

{All} things.

We will have walked through a different fire of sorts and come out unburned. (isaiah 43:2)

{Dusty}

very dusty.

but not burned.

And for that I continue to be thankful.

And we boast in the {hope} of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, {hope}. And {hope} does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

romans 5:2b-5

Thanksgiving

When Paul and I got married, we made the choice to alternate spending Thanksgiving with each of our families each year. Christmas {morning} is a little different and is always spent at home now with just us, but Thanksgiving is always spent with extended family. This year was the year to spend with my family.

We all piled in the car and drove to Highlands, North Carolina where my aunt (my Nana and my Mom's sister) has leased a beautiful house for a year. It was perfect.

Gorgeous weather. Warm fires. Long walks (until it got cold later in the week). A trip to the library. Absolutely unbelievabley yummy food not only for Thanksgiving day but before and after!

I mean, how often do you google shrimp and grits, make it, and lick the pan clean! Ok. so that last part isn't completely true, but it was super yummy!

Oh...and did I mention s'mores!

Yup. Those are our Wordless Wednesday photos. 

But, as Addie would say YELL, did you see this?

What I want to know is how she knew to eat the chocolate first!?!?!?

yuuuuuuummmmy in my tummmmmmy!

There was this beautiful mirror in the living room that belongs to the owner of the house. There is a picture in the basement of her when she was a little girl sitting on this beautiful mirror too.

What was crazy about this picture is {gasp} Addie asked me to take it!!!!

I didn't really care what it looked like, I was just thrilled to take it!

I took a risk and asked Nana to jump in too, and instead of backfiring, this is what I got!!!

Pure joy. Pure laughter. Pure love!

Now. The little girls were pretty easy going as a whole...except when it came to sleep. Apparently they hate their pack-n-play. We brought a 2nd one, and it didn't help at all. They tag teamed all.night.long! One cried. Fed her. Slept a little. The other cried. Fed her. Slept a little more. I was so frustrated with them by the morning! But I'm happy to say one went 7+ hours last night and the other went almost 11 !!! Want to know why they were up all.night.long in the mountains?
1.) different environment
2.) because they could be
3.) daddy wasn't there yet (he came a day later)
4.) because they could be
5.) TEETHING!

Yup, Anne Perry's first tooth broke through the day we left.

Apparently Audrey Kate enjoyed sleeping on her Nana more than sleeping at night, but who wouldn't!

Addie had a blast with RieRie and Nana! She loved going on walks with Nana, finding sticks and rocks with her.

...and helping! 

Nana helping Addie Addie helping Nana!

This was one of the few spots left with those beautiful fall leaves. One of these days I'll make it to the mountains to take pictures as the leaves are changing instead of after or not at all!

{sigh}

 

Thank you Nana for letting us come spend Thanksgiving with you in your home-away-from-home!

Even though the journey's long

And I know the road is hard

Well, the One who's gone before me

He will help me carry on

After all that I've been through, now I realize the truth

That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God

Mountain of God -- Third Day

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I Thessalonians 5:18

Gotchas

gotcha [goch-uh] also known as got you

1. n. A misfeature of a system, especially a programming language or environment, that tends to breed bug or mistakes because it both enticingly easy to invoke and completely unexpected and/or unreasonable in its outcome.
2. n. an unexpected occurrence resulting in unexpected action due to unexpected circumstance unknown to all parties involved. also known as our house!

So far, our gotchas have been fairly minimal:

• 2 brick walls that needed to come down and the wall be reframed
• mold behind the sink/dishwasher/cabinets

{see}

 {original and torn out wall...}

Until now...

The girls and I went to music today and came home to this:

Not terrible. {Old} termite eaten floor joists that had been repaired quite incorrectly!

1. 4 pieces of incorrectly sized boards were attached to the original joists
2. due to incorrect sizing, the joists were not resting on the girders (a much thicker piece of wood that runs perpendicular to the joists and provide additional support)
3. the joists were shredded!

Ok. Sounds worse than it is. Not too costly to repair.

{addie staying on the dark wood but picking up who knows what!}

Take pictures and head out with all 3 girls for lunch and nap at my mom's house.

Get a call...

The very important girder running from one side of the kitchen to the other was also {old} termite eaten causing the structure to be seriously compromised. 

I'm instructed {encouraged} to return to take pictures. 

Feed the little girls. Addie and I eat. Head back home.

To this...

{that's a hole that now spans the entirety of the width of our kitchen}

and this is what i see...

and wood that should dent when hit with a hammer...shreds

But repairing floor joists are easy compared to repairing a girder running the length of kitchen...that is supposed to be supporting all the floor joists that run perpendicular to it.

{sigh} All in a Monday's work!

and random thoughts...

• I hit a squirrel today. I've never hit a squirrel (or anything walking in/down/around the road for that matter). I watched it in my rear view mirror: flip and flop and jump 3 feet in the air. When I drove by later it was gone. I'm hoping I just stunned it, and it's staying warm and dry in some tree somewhere. I'm not counting on it.

• Baby Prilosec is in fact an answer to prayer.

• Addie still needs craves desperately {thankfully} requires a nap.

• Our inside/outside cat Fuzz has figured out how to sneak through the original (ha) hole in our kitchen floor where they removed the chimney. She snakes through the boards down into the crawlspace and then finds her way in and out {somehow}. What this means is that she is not the only creature who could do this. Maybe I should be concerned about the above said squirrel or his family members...

• I'd love to still be in the mountains with my aunt. 

• Every day, many hours and most minutes are more fun, more rewarding and more precious with our girls! I am so thankful for them!

Happy Monday! 

 

(and more interesting pictures to come...of our girls of course!)