Preemies

I've somehow found several blogs recently with families who have preemies or micropreemies. Well, actually a few found me! But it's a huge reality with twins, triplets, and higher order multiples!

We pray that our girls (if that's what they remain :) will stay put full term for twins (37 weeks) so that we can avoid the NICU altogether. But the reality is that around 60% of twins are born prematurely. That can mean just days in the NICU or months.

For most families, this turns their world upside down (it sure would mine!). A sweet family in North Carolina has had two babies in the NICU and lost both of them. In memory of their girls, they have started an annual preemie onesie drive. You can read more about their family here and the drive here. There are many online places where you can order preemie clothing and have it sent directly to this family. Their goal last year was to collect 200 pieces...and they collected well over 2,000, resulting in deliveries to over 6 hospitals with NICUs in North Carolina and 3 other deliveries at a later date to the hospital where their girls were! Amazing!

So...if this is something that touches your heart, we'd love for you to join us in sending even just one preemie outfit to this family! Not only will you be blessed, but they will be blessed as well as the family who receives your outfit/s!

The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

Miracles

Our doctors visit today was fabulous...

...and long! My OB had an emergency this morning and was supposedly running 45 minutes behind. We had not seen him after well over an hour. So...

we did our ultrasound first!

One word: perfect!

Perfect heartbeats. Perfect sizes. Perfect wiggles. Perfect kicking. Perfect hands rubbing perfect little faces. Perfect rolling. Perfect mouths. Perfect eyes. Perfect looks. Perfect profiles. Perfect fingers and perfect toes.

You get my point.

And we asked the ultrasound tech to see if she could maybe tell us what they were (even though both of us had a hunch that turned out to be correct)!

For now,

we're having...

are you ready for this...

because who knows if we are...

two girls.

Two perfect little girls.

Our only hope and prayer throughout this pregnancy has been for healthy babies. Then with my surgery and being faced with losing the babies lives as well as my own, we continued to fervently pray for their health! Sure, I've said that I'd love this or I'd love that. Little boys are wonderful. One of each would be great fun. But now there is only one thing on our minds:

Thank heavens for little girls!

And we are so thankful!

I'm not going to go out and chose fabric for the nursery or buy a bunch of girls clothes. Oh wait, we have enough girl's clothes for two anyway. Ok. So I'm not going to go out and buy a bunch of matching girls clothes. Although I did find the cutest pink seersucker bubbles and a matching dress for Addie that I ordered last weekend. On major sale! What a hunch!

But that's beside the point!

We have two healthy babies, measuring perfectly; and we could not be more joyous!

Here are some pictures of our suspected girls!

Meet Baby Girl A:
She already loves to curl up in a tiny ball; but when she's on her back, she's constantly kicking up at her sister. She's lower than her sister in placement, so it's a bit harder to get her picture. She's already quite a roller...

...and even turned her face to look at us!

Meet Baby Girl B:
She loves to lay on her back and show us her precious profile! She sweetly rubbed her little face with her hand several times. And her mouth...

...is already open, ready to tell us all that's on her mind! I can't wait to hear all she has to say!

And for now, these are our girls! Praise God for these little blessings! They have already been labeled miracles, and we agree!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

because...

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

"Not Me!"

...Wednesday.

I'm feeling the need for a "Not Me!" post. It's not Monday, so we'll change it up a little.

"Not Me!" Wednesday it is!

Addie did not throw the tantrum of all tantrums when I walked in to pick her up from MMO last week. She was not already crying because her friend Cady had left right before I got there. Clearly, I was not late! I did not sit down in the rocking chair (because I was so out of breath) to wait for her to finish. She did not throw herself on the floor and kick and scream. And her teacher did not look at me and say that she'd NEVER seen Addie do anything like that! What? After calming down, she did not walk out with me like nothing had happened and then decide for some reason that she did not want to exit the building. She did not proceed to lay down on the floor and start to throw another tantrum. She did not know good and well that I couldn't pick her up and know that she had it all under control! I did not look around and breathe a sigh of relief that there were only two other mom's and kids in the foyer. I did not bribe her with carrying the keys...and it did not work! (thankfully, it did!)

Addie did not voluntarily take a nap on a bean bag in the middle of the room at MMO today. She did not willingly lay down and go to sleep. She did not sleep well after the other children woke up. She is not exhausted because she's still not not sleeping at night! Our friend did not point out that MMO has not changed and continues to be very normal for her! I did not take this as a good sign that maybe when things return to normal (whatever that is!) that her good sleep will return!

She is still not not sleeping at night. She's not. Period. I did not call the pediatrician today to see what we could do. It has not been suggested to me by some to give her benadryl to sleep. No. I will not. The nurse did not tell me pay $30 and watch some video online to "teach my toddler to sleep." Maybe I didn't make myself clear. She's not sleeping because she's traumatized. She's not throwing fits when she wakes up in the middle of the night. She's not ticked off with us. She's having panic attacks. She's freaking out! She's hyperventilating within minutes of waking up. I've apparently abandoned the "Not Me!" lingo here. That's ok...my child is still not not sleeping!

I did not get brave and take Addie to get a cookie and pretzel today after MMO (after I took a 2 hour nap while she was at MMO). We did not then go visit her Rie Rie at her gym (where i sat). I did not desperately need to get gas. I was not letting Addie watch Baby Signing Time in the car as we drove around town. I did not promise that I'd never do that! I did not think I was being the coolest mom ever when I left the radio (and dvd player) on while I pumped gas. I did not put my debit card in the gas pump and realize that my car was moving! It did not take me a second to figure out why my car was moving. I did not leave my car in drive instead of putting it in park before getting out to pump gas. I will never leave my keys in the ignition with anything on again while I pump gas so that I will not make this mistake again. I did not call Paul and tell him he had the biggest moron for a wife. He did not make me feel better by telling me that he too had done the exact same thing before...allowing the car to roll forward. I did not not believe him!

I am not so thankful that Paul is off work tomorrow so that I will maybe not commit such crazy "Not Mes!" tomorrow.

What have you not done recently! Happy Wednesday!

What A Weekend!

It's been 3 weeks since my surgery. I seem to measure time in before and after the surgery. Life changed so much!

I'm so tired of only blogging words! I started this blog with only pictures...and then I got wordy, but at least I still had the pictures! I want to be taking pictures so badly right now, but I just don't have the energy yet. I get out of breath when I walk to the kitchen. I feel like I'm missing so much of Addie growing up since the morning sickness started and then the surgery. It makes me sad...

...but I'm so thankful to be able to at least witness it all!

We had great plans for our weekend! Paul's mom was coming to help us, and Paul was going to clear out the guest bedroom of furniture so they could start putting the 2nd baby bed together. It would give us more storage space to get ready for these twins...

...but other plans were had.

Paul ended up with a horrible stomach virus by Friday. He was miserable to say the least! My mom had to stay with us Thursday night to give him a break from getting up with Addie. She ended up spending the next 2 nights with us as well. You know...because when Paul's sick and shouldn't be getting up with Addie and I'm not allowed to pick her up, we've got a problem. I am so thankful for Addie's relationship with my mom! I'm so thankful that she loves her and is so comfortable around her. I think Addie would be in much worse shape if this wasn't the case.

Addie's still getting up 3-4 times a night. It's like she's taking naps all night long. Every 2-3 hours she's up, which means we're up. It's exhausting. It's almost like she's afraid to go to sleep sometimes. She's restless and twitches in her sleep. When I saw her pediatrician on Wednesday, I told her that I wasn't worried about Addie's verbal skills. I wasn't worried about her gross or even her fine motor skills. But oh my word, would she please make my child sleep? She agreed that we were doing the right thing for now, given that Addie's little world has been turned flat upside down.

I'll be home with her all next week though. I'm praying that the consistency will pay off. I'm praying I have the energy to keep up with her! She's already started eating better for my mom. Let's hope that will transfer to us! And we all know a full tummy makes for better sleep! Right? Just say yes!

I've been feeling significantly better. With the progesterone shots out of my system, I've felt so much better. Until last night. I got in the car to run get milk shakes with my mom and was cleaning out some cheerios from the seat. It was all over. Cheerios? They weren't even mushy! I was so mad! I had gone almost 5 whole days without throwing up! So, I'll start the count over with today!

And that's about it. I know it's boring. I know you're probably tired of hearing surgery updates. But my goals this weeks are to 1.) care for Addie, 2.) not throw up, and 3.) take some pictures!

Here are a few more prayer requests:

• Paul's and my mom's health! They are both feeling run down and exhausted! I cannot care for Addie without them! Please pray for their rapid recovery!
• Addie's sleeping (and eating). All I can say is that this too shall pass!
• The twins. Their health and well being.
  
• My energy. It takes nothing to wear me out! I still can't stand up and talk without getting out of breath. Thankfully I'd started working with Addie before the surgery on getting into her car seat and picking her things up. It has paid off!
  
• Weight gain for me! I know these babies are getting all the nutrients they need, but I know I'm not! I'm still hovering around the -10lb level and haven't been able to put any on. No one (thankfully), including my doctors, are fussing; but it's so frustrating to me because I'm hungry and want to eat but can't always!
• We have an appointment with my OB on Thursday as well as an ultrasound. Please pray for a good report and healthy babies!

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family! I promise to get some pictures up sooner than later! Have a wonderful week!

#Update 3#

I took Addie to the doctor today for her 18 month appointment.

Let that sink in.

No. The significance is not that she's 19 months and 2 weeks old right now!

I drove. I transported my child. I kept up with her. I spent over an hour and a half away from the house. I ate at least 3 snacks while we were gone. I went by myself.

I did not throw up. I did not pass out. I did not even feel nauseous!

I also went to get my progesterone levels checked early this morning. I've been taking intramuscular shots for 6 weeks now. I took them for 10 weeks with Addie. They hurt much worse this time. I don't understand why, but they did.

And they were making me sick!

A progesterone level should be above 25 when you are pregnant. Today, mine was 56! A few weeks ago, it was at 120! No more shots for me!

No wonder I've felt better! I think I've eaten more in the past 48 hours than I've eaten over the last 2+ weeks! Oh my!

Back to Addie.

We went for her 18 month appointment today! Although a tad late, here are her stats according to her current age:
weight: still in the 95th%ile at 30lbs 3.5 ounces
height: still off the charts at 34 and 5/8 inches
head circumference: down to the 90th%ile at 48.2 cm

Proportional. Yet ginormous. Her winter shirts, dresses and skirts are 3Ts and her pants are 2Ts.

But perfect!

Except for sleeping and eating. We've discovered that when she's in a long term stressful situation, this is how she reacts. This happened at the end of July too. She quit eating by the end of the week. She refused to sleep by herself, and she'd only sleep in the bed with us. It became very apparent to us how disturbed the environment was making her. Although this is significantly different, she is reacting the same way.

I could blame the tantrums on it too. But that's fairly typical for her age. I could blame the meltdowns she has when new people approach her on it as well. But that's somewhat typical for a clingy stage.

But I cannot deny her refusing to eat and waking up several times in the night and being unable to soothe herself like she's done for so long. I cannot do anything but accept that our situation is having an affect on her. I've been her primary caregiver during the day since she was born...for 19 months. Over the past two weeks, that has not been the case. She's had impeccable care and lots of love. I'm pretty sure she's actually received more attention over the past two weeks than normal.

But it's change; and although children are surprisingly resilient, this is how she deals with stress.

So we're being very patient. Lots of rocking. Lots of distracting. Lots of encouraging. Lots of cuddling. Lots of patience.

And it will improve. It will get better. And we will move on!

Thank you so much for your sweet comments on the previous post. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I knew so many of you were still praying for us, no matter my state of mind, and your emails and messages only reinforced it! Thank you for that!

Praises: I have not been nauseous for two days. I am eating and feeling stronger each hour!
Praise God! Also, our house is clean, tidy and straight! Between my mom and aunt last week, Allison all day Monday, a cleaning lady on Tuesday, and Laura Beth and Diane today, it's perfect. I am so thankful! And I'm so thankful for such amazing family and friends!

Requests: Please continue to pray for Addie, that she would sleep and eat. We've spent lots of time cuddling and snuggling, and I'm praying it will start to pay off! Please pray for Paul. He thought he was exhausted last week, but these last few nights have sealed that deal. He's worn slap out! Please pray that he can rest and would get to feeling better!

Again, thank you for your sweet words and many prayers! Each one of you have blessed us in an unique ways, some with words, others with food, and others with time. Thank you!

God is good...all the time!

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. Ephesians 1:16

Gifts...

I admit it. I threw a little pretty big pity party the other night. The same night I lay in the bed thinking for so long. It was sometime last week. I was tired of throwing up. I was tired of not being able to do anything. I was upset because someone who we love hadn't called or even emailed to check on us in a whole week and another someone we love hadn't bothered to call at all!

I threw a big fat pity party.

I admit it.

I'm not perfect.

And as much as I try, I don't find joy in every moment!

I just knew no one had any idea that we are really still struggling! I've had to have someone with me (and Addie) 24/7 for two weeks now. That'll drain anyone, even the people who love you the most! (I finally got to stay by myself with Addie a little Monday morning! Whoohoo!) And I just knew there must be bigger & better things for people to be praying for by now! They must have forgotten us!

But before I could go to sleep that night, a sweet message came in from an old friend "who was still praying for our family!" And I had another one from a college friend that I haven't even talked to in years, that she was reading our blog & praying for us! And then a lady from our church left me the sweetest message on my facebook wall. And one of my dear college friends just reminded me that she was still praying for us too!

And the next morning, my best friend Diane showed up at our house at 8am to stay with me & Addie. She let me just sleep, and I didn't have to worry about Addie once! And the wife of one of the guys Paul works with truly brought us enough food for the entire weekend and some! And an old high school friend called just to see how I was feeling & let me know that I was on their church prayer list...a church we don't even attend!

And the next night, as we listened to Addie scream because she didn't want to sleep, again, for the 3rd night in a row because her little world is just flat upside down, I had one of our dearest friends tell us he was sending prayers down the street and around the block...at 12:29am. And when I woke up, there were three more messages saying the same thing.

And even though I had no idea Addie would refuse to sleep for an entire 3 hours that night, forcing me to get up, pick her up and hold her until she fell asleep as a last resort, I had no choice but to wrap up my pity party & gently remind myself that God's got it covered. He hasn't carried us this far only to drop us off! I'm sure He just sighed, picked up a little more of our load, as if He wasn't already carrying it all, and continued carrying us whispering along the way: "I will NEVER leave you or forsake you!" And I wonder if He thought, "When will you ever learn that?!?!?!?"

What amazing patience our Father shows us. He gently nudges along, reminding us of His faithfulness. And when we are too weak to stand alone, He just carries us. Plan & simple.

My dear collage friend Allison drove from Birmingham yesterday with her three children...all under the age of five. She met us back here after our sweet friend Mandy took us to Kindermusik. Allison worked for six straight hours on my house. She straightened and cleaned. Watched the kids. Organized and put away. Fed the kids lunch. And she cleaned out my refrigerator! I can now officially open it without gagging! And she considered it pure joy to serve our family. What a gift!

And when I was in the hospital, Paul's dad offered to have someone come and clean our house. When our friends the Becks came over and found that out, they had the perfect person! She was here today...and our house has honestly never been so clean! I may not be able to find anything for a few days, but it's worth it! She's cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned! What a gift!

I think that's what has amazed me the most about our situation. So many people have stepped up and served us with such willing hearts! We have had a hot meal brought to us almost every night since we got home from the hospital. Two weeks, and another week planned! I have had several friends email me in an attempt to try to find something that I could eat. Not only did they bring us dinner, but they went out of their way to ask what sounded good! Diane coordinated all of the meals and still is! She's brought food to our house and come to stay with me and Addie. What a gift!

In addition to my aunt driving from Atlanta twice (and offering to come this week too!), I think my mom has been over here 12 of the last 14 nights (yes, I counted), to give Addie a bath and help get her ready for bed. She works all day, sometimes tutors for an hour or two at night, manages to work out and grocery shop for us...and then comes and takes care of a 19 month old before bed! That's after she kept her the weekend we went out of town, drove to Tennessee with her by herself not actually knowing how I was, brought her back and forth to the hospital, stayed with me alternating with Paul...and drove me home! I often wondered how she did all she did for us when we were growing up. I now know: besides drawing her strength from our amazing God, she's superwoman (and I'm not being sarcastic!)! What a gift!

And then there's my husband. Addie almost did him in the other night when she refused to sleep. In the past, paci in her mouth and she'd be back asleep! Nope. The panic cry started. It's different. It's one of those things a parent can just hear. It was there. She was truly afraid. She was panicking and couldn't calm herself down. But she almost did him in. He has waited on me hand and foot. Gotten Addie ready each morning, stayed home from work on some days to take care of her and me, let me sleep for hours on end, fed her dinner on most nights since we've been home, picked up toys, gotten me medicine, helped me with my shots (which I'm done with...whoohoo!)...oh, and gone to the grocery store at 8pm to get me waffles! He has been daddy and mommy all at once. He's read to Addie. Played with her. Loved on her. Changed her diapers. Located pacis. Found lovies. And on and on and on! And while neither of us are perfectly patient, he's been such an amazing husband throughout this whole ordeal! A strength when I was completely helpless! What a gift!

So instead of throwing a pity party. I am thankful.

I am thankful for the food. I am thankful for the friends! I am thankful for the gifts that people have so selflessly given!

And even if it returns tomorrow, I am thankful for today...an entire day without nausea. I truly believe that I have gained 5 pounds just today because I've finally been able to eat! I ate dinner with my family! What a gift!!!!

And I am thankful!!!