Gifts...

I admit it. I threw a little pretty big pity party the other night. The same night I lay in the bed thinking for so long. It was sometime last week. I was tired of throwing up. I was tired of not being able to do anything. I was upset because someone who we love hadn't called or even emailed to check on us in a whole week and another someone we love hadn't bothered to call at all!

I threw a big fat pity party.

I admit it.

I'm not perfect.

And as much as I try, I don't find joy in every moment!

I just knew no one had any idea that we are really still struggling! I've had to have someone with me (and Addie) 24/7 for two weeks now. That'll drain anyone, even the people who love you the most! (I finally got to stay by myself with Addie a little Monday morning! Whoohoo!) And I just knew there must be bigger & better things for people to be praying for by now! They must have forgotten us!

But before I could go to sleep that night, a sweet message came in from an old friend "who was still praying for our family!" And I had another one from a college friend that I haven't even talked to in years, that she was reading our blog & praying for us! And then a lady from our church left me the sweetest message on my facebook wall. And one of my dear college friends just reminded me that she was still praying for us too!

And the next morning, my best friend Diane showed up at our house at 8am to stay with me & Addie. She let me just sleep, and I didn't have to worry about Addie once! And the wife of one of the guys Paul works with truly brought us enough food for the entire weekend and some! And an old high school friend called just to see how I was feeling & let me know that I was on their church prayer list...a church we don't even attend!

And the next night, as we listened to Addie scream because she didn't want to sleep, again, for the 3rd night in a row because her little world is just flat upside down, I had one of our dearest friends tell us he was sending prayers down the street and around the block...at 12:29am. And when I woke up, there were three more messages saying the same thing.

And even though I had no idea Addie would refuse to sleep for an entire 3 hours that night, forcing me to get up, pick her up and hold her until she fell asleep as a last resort, I had no choice but to wrap up my pity party & gently remind myself that God's got it covered. He hasn't carried us this far only to drop us off! I'm sure He just sighed, picked up a little more of our load, as if He wasn't already carrying it all, and continued carrying us whispering along the way: "I will NEVER leave you or forsake you!" And I wonder if He thought, "When will you ever learn that?!?!?!?"

What amazing patience our Father shows us. He gently nudges along, reminding us of His faithfulness. And when we are too weak to stand alone, He just carries us. Plan & simple.

My dear collage friend Allison drove from Birmingham yesterday with her three children...all under the age of five. She met us back here after our sweet friend Mandy took us to Kindermusik. Allison worked for six straight hours on my house. She straightened and cleaned. Watched the kids. Organized and put away. Fed the kids lunch. And she cleaned out my refrigerator! I can now officially open it without gagging! And she considered it pure joy to serve our family. What a gift!

And when I was in the hospital, Paul's dad offered to have someone come and clean our house. When our friends the Becks came over and found that out, they had the perfect person! She was here today...and our house has honestly never been so clean! I may not be able to find anything for a few days, but it's worth it! She's cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned! What a gift!

I think that's what has amazed me the most about our situation. So many people have stepped up and served us with such willing hearts! We have had a hot meal brought to us almost every night since we got home from the hospital. Two weeks, and another week planned! I have had several friends email me in an attempt to try to find something that I could eat. Not only did they bring us dinner, but they went out of their way to ask what sounded good! Diane coordinated all of the meals and still is! She's brought food to our house and come to stay with me and Addie. What a gift!

In addition to my aunt driving from Atlanta twice (and offering to come this week too!), I think my mom has been over here 12 of the last 14 nights (yes, I counted), to give Addie a bath and help get her ready for bed. She works all day, sometimes tutors for an hour or two at night, manages to work out and grocery shop for us...and then comes and takes care of a 19 month old before bed! That's after she kept her the weekend we went out of town, drove to Tennessee with her by herself not actually knowing how I was, brought her back and forth to the hospital, stayed with me alternating with Paul...and drove me home! I often wondered how she did all she did for us when we were growing up. I now know: besides drawing her strength from our amazing God, she's superwoman (and I'm not being sarcastic!)! What a gift!

And then there's my husband. Addie almost did him in the other night when she refused to sleep. In the past, paci in her mouth and she'd be back asleep! Nope. The panic cry started. It's different. It's one of those things a parent can just hear. It was there. She was truly afraid. She was panicking and couldn't calm herself down. But she almost did him in. He has waited on me hand and foot. Gotten Addie ready each morning, stayed home from work on some days to take care of her and me, let me sleep for hours on end, fed her dinner on most nights since we've been home, picked up toys, gotten me medicine, helped me with my shots (which I'm done with...whoohoo!)...oh, and gone to the grocery store at 8pm to get me waffles! He has been daddy and mommy all at once. He's read to Addie. Played with her. Loved on her. Changed her diapers. Located pacis. Found lovies. And on and on and on! And while neither of us are perfectly patient, he's been such an amazing husband throughout this whole ordeal! A strength when I was completely helpless! What a gift!

So instead of throwing a pity party. I am thankful.

I am thankful for the food. I am thankful for the friends! I am thankful for the gifts that people have so selflessly given!

And even if it returns tomorrow, I am thankful for today...an entire day without nausea. I truly believe that I have gained 5 pounds just today because I've finally been able to eat! I ate dinner with my family! What a gift!!!!

And I am thankful!!!